What do *you* care what other people think?[1]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.[2] The tact filter theory says when nerds were growing up, they continually got picked on, and their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "They're just saying those mean things because they're jealous. They don't really mean it.". "Sticks and stones" was another one those parents drilled the children with, and the children know it's not true. But! But! I feel angry today. Why do I feel angry? Because I feel as though I've not been listened to, or not understood, or not believed. But none of those things are about me. Being listened to, or not being listened to, doesn't change /me/ [3]. It's up to the people around me. And being not understood? Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly. Or maybe my listeners aren't listening properly. What's that to me? Do you see? It's not about me; not being understood, or not believed, or not listened to. I can be me, in the best way I can, and I can listen to other people, in the best way I can, and after that, it's about the other people. And if I realise *that*, I can try and put myself in their place, and to see what they see. And if I can see why they don't understand --- sometimes it doesn't matter. No one need understand everything. And sometimes they can't. There are lots of things people can't understand, until the right connections have been built in their mind. Sometimes people need to feel things for themselves to develop these connections, and that can take time, and events which can't be planned. That doesn't matter. That's not about me[4]. It's entirely about the other person. So why should *I* feel angry, or insulted? So I won't. [5] In the next chapter, how *should* I act? Ideally, you see, I would understand the other person completely and act appropriately, but I have trouble with that. So, well, not sure really. But I do the best I can. Fawley sparkles. Traffic bustles. Lights rushing by in red and white, people all about me. Boats gliding down the river, lights reflecting on the water. Chocolate box windows. All this world we have, it is not what it was, but if we choose to enjoy it we can find it a very splendid place. [1] Feynman [2] Unknown origin [3] Well, inasmuch as people respond to the way they're treated, I'll maybe be different if I meet with constant ignoring than if everyone seems to hang on my words. [4] Pedantry and loose ends: I may feel sad for someone, if I put myself in their place, and see the world as they see it, and find it's less fun than my world. And I might want to try and do something about that, if I can. And sometimes I may choose to think about what they're seeing of me, and whether it suggests something I need to change. But that's up to me, too. And if they're right, it's not an insult, is it? Just new information I need to absorb. [5] Easier said than done.